Winner: Trevor

The Chris Heron Cup, awarded to the student who, despite consistent effort, never was quite able to grasp the important concepts of the calculus

Winner: Oke [joke!]

The E. Michael Hansen Award for Proficiency in the Calculus

Winner: Chris H.

The Joe DiMaggio Award

Winner: Oke

The Ace and Gary Award

[winners’ names withheld to avoid lawsuit]

The Isacc Newton Memorial Bowl, awarded to the student who asked the most questions that Mr. Hansen didn’t answer

Winner: Peter

The Adam Teslik Award for Wanton Disregard for the Dress Code

Winner: Scott

The Riley Soles Cup, awarded to the student who demonstrated the least amount of effort

Winner: Scott

The Alex Award, awarded to the only student to score a negative raw score on a test:

Winner: Desmond

The Bay of Pigs Award for the most aborted attempts to undermine Mr. Hansen’s authority:

Winner: Amar

The Desmond Bowe Award for General Apathy

Winner: Amar

The Amar Bakshi Award for Complaining About Everything

Winner: Mark

The Scotty English Award for Not Being Able to Understand His Own Name

Winner: Peter

The Gustavus Adolphus Award for Getting After It

Winner: Michael P.

The Chris Platts Memorial Toilet, awarded to the student whose calculator could do everything, even though he was the only person in the class who didn’t need it

Winner: Michael G.

The Zima Prize for Worst Bladder Control Requiring the Most Frequent Bathroom Trips

Winner: Mark

The Award for the Most Silent, Disgruntled Student

Winner: McClain

The No Award Award, awarded to students who either by luck, by cunning, or by highly developed skills of self-preservation somehow managed to avoid being "honored" by an award

Co-Winners: Colin, Jeff, Teddy, Warrik, Yoon